From One Mother to Another

Being that I have spent about 80% of the last 3 ½ years either breastfeeding or pregnant I thought I would share with you some of what I have learned on this journey. As a parent there is so much debate about the “right way” to raise your children. My intention here is not to tell you the right way. Everyone has individual experiences, struggles and obstacles. One of the greatest experiences for me has been breastfeeding both of my daughters. It has been both rewarding and challenging. 86% of mothers WANT to breastfeed but only 12% make it to the minimum recommendation from the American Academy of Pediatrics of 6 months. (www.BestForBabes.org). I believe a large part of this is because of lack of information and incorrect advice. I just want to share with you my own experience and what I have learned as one individual mother.

I never thought about breastfeeding until I was pregnant with my first daughter, Ava. At that point I had this belief that breastfeeding was just a natural thing that happened and that baby was born with the knowledge of what to do and we would all live happily ever after. Ha! So I started reading some books about it and learned that it isn’t always so easy or “natural.” Even though babies are born with the need to suck they cannot do it all on their own. I ended up having an unexpected c-section and after being induced for 14 hours and undergoing surgery I was really not “with it” enough to breastfeed my daughter in those critical hours right after birth. I spent several days with the help of all the nurses trying to get her to latch on and then once she was there to keep her awake. It was the most frustrating thing to finally get her latched and then within a minute she would fall asleep. She ended up losing more than 10% of her body weight by day 3 and I was told we would have to give her formula to keep her healthy. I felt like a failure and I cried. I had an awesome nurse in the hospital who helped me set up a supplemental feeding system that allowed me to give her formula while attached to the breast to assist in producing the milk I needed to sustain her growth. That first week was an unbelievable challenge but once it was over we were good to go and my persistence paid off!! That is not to say that it was all smooth sailing from there. Like most things in life there were ups and downs and a lot to learn during the entire 10 months that I breastfed Ava.

The second big challenge came for us when we began to introduce solids at around 5-6 months old. Around her 7 or 8 month checkup her pediatrician mentioned to me that she was not gaining weight at the same rate that she had been. She suggested I visit with a lactation consultant for some advice. Again, I was devastated and I felt sort of offended. Why would I have to see a lactation consultant? I obviously know how to latch my baby! I have been doing it for 8 months!! But I humbled myself and went to talk to the lactation consultant. In the end what we realized was that I had introduced solids way too rapidly and all the fruits and vegetables I was putting into her mouth were a lot less calorie dense (among other things) than breast milk. There is a lot more to know about breastfeeding your baby than just getting her to latch on. Her breast milk intake had dramatically decreased because her belly was filling up with fruits and vegetables.

So as soon as we overcame this I received an amazing job offer and decided to go back to work. As amazing and exciting as this was I was unbelievably nervous because Ava was getting all breast milk straight from the source. She was ADAMANTLY refusing all bottles and cups as if they were a cruel and unusual torture device. Even the experienced mothers and grandmothers at Ava’s daycare could not get her to take it and resorted to trying to feed her with a Dixie cup. We overcame this too and by the time she was 10 months old she was much happier with the bottle and cup because she could be her crazy active 10 month self and move all around the house and take sips at her leisure. Unfortunately the boob is not very portable as it is pretty much attached to me so she decided she was done with it. It was mutually a good time for us to wean. I felt some relief after that as I was now back to having my whole body to myself again! Then 6 months later I got pregnant with Bella J .

My breastfeeding experience with her has been entirely different from the very beginning. I don’t know if it is her or me but I was A LOT more prepared this time. I knew I was having another c-section and I was ready. Even though I had to ask several times for her to be brought to me within 2 hours of birth, I knew to keep asking for her. I was ready, I put her to the breast and she latched right away the first time. Within the first few times putting her to the breast I could hear her swallowing and I knew to look for it. I knew the difference between active nursing and comfort nursing and that both are important. I knew that some of the advice I would get from the nurses would not apply to me and to ignore it and do what was right for my baby and I. I knew when to look for the wet diapers, to bring my pump to the hospital, to drink mother’s milk tea, to avoid pacifiers at least in the beginning, to have her sleep in the same room as me, to feed her laying down, to feed her very often and not to time any of it, and how to finger feed her when she had to be under the jaundice lights. I came home from the hospital with a lot of confidence! Bella will be 5 months soon and we have yet to start solids. I am prepared to go slowly and I know that it is a gradual process. Bella also has been taking a 5-7 oz bottle of pumped breast milk every day. It took 2 months of persistence (by my wonderful husband).

Every mother’s experience with feeding her babies will be so different that I hesitate to give too much advice but if you are thinking about breastfeeding here are some of my suggestions purely based on my own experiences…

-Read a book. Two good ones are “So That’s What They’re For” by Janet Tamaro (my husband had no problem letting me know that he did not completely agree with the title of this book ha!) and the “The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding” (La Leche League International).

-Watch other women breastfeed. Just like riding a bike or learning to swim breastfeeding is something you have to learn and watching someone else do it is very valuable! Could you imagine learning how to swim or even how to drive when you have never ever seen anyone do it before? If you don’t know someone then research for videos online or go to a nursing mothers meeting.

-Use lanolin and saline soaked gauze after every feeding in the first week or two. This helped me a lot with the pain and kept my nipples from cracking.

-Drink lots of water and eat. Your body needs more calories to nurse than it does to carry the baby inside you.

-Don’t time it. You will hear to feed your baby something like every 2-3 hours for 15-20 minutes on each side. Babies are individuals and don’t come with a manual. Especially during the first few weeks you want to feed the baby as much as you can. Breast milk is broken down very quickly so baby will need to eat very often. In my experience during those first few weeks or even months they eat much more often than this “guideline.”

-Make sure you are comfortable. This may seem like common sense but this was one of my biggest challenges the first time around. My advice is “bring baby to breast not breast to baby” otherwise your back will hurt after only a few minutes and when baby wants to nurse for an hour you will want to give up.

-You have enough milk. In our daily life a lot of things are measured and timed. Breastfeeding cannot be measured or timed. Your baby will let you know when she/he is done. You will verify that baby is getting enough by hearing swallowing, noting the number of wet/ dirty diapers and baby‘s weight gain. Pumping is not an accurate account of how much milk you have. Breastfeeding is supply and demand, the more that is removed the more you will get back. This is a very common concern for many moms and I could write a whole other post on it. Be confident in your supply and read this for more information. Supply

-Get a good nursing bra and nursing pads. My favorites are Anita nursing bras and Playtex nursing pads.

-Utilize online resources. Two of my favorites are http://www.kellymom.com/ and http://www.bestforbabes.org/

-Meet with a lactation consultant. These are the experts and in my opinion as valuable to your infant as his/her pediatrician.

My motivations for breastfeeding…

-Much cheaper than formula -I hesitate to say that breastfeeding is free because breast pumps and nursing bras are not cheap but being on a tight budget as a stay at home mom I was not interested in forking over the average of $200 a month it costs to buy formula.

-Health benefits - Breast milk provides antibodies to help protect against illness in baby, reduced rates of breast and ovarian cancer in mother.

-Complex and complete nutritional components - Science, while beneficial to our knowledge in the world, is not omniscient. Like many complex organs and fluid in our bodies doctors and scientists do not know 100% what breast milk is made up of so it is impossible to replicate it.

-Reduced risk of SIDS

-Contains proteins that affect brain development

-Breastfeeding burns 500 or more calories a day for mother.

-May help delay return of fertility and absence of menstruation.

-Helps the uterus contract after delivery to reduce postpartum bleeding.

-The endorphin effect of breastfeeding releases hormones in mother to help her relax.

-Middle of the night feedings are easy. I don’t have to go downstairs to make a bottle

-I don’t have to clean bottles! I hate dishes!!

There are many others but these were some of my main motivations.

Breastfeeding is such a small snippet in the life of a mother and as I navigate this one destination on my journey I wanted to preserve some of my thoughts and experiences on it and share them with you.
I just want to say that there is so much more to being a great mother than what you feed them in the first year of life. If you do try and are not able to breastfeed please do not beat yourself up about it. Being a new mother is hard enough without having this hanging over your head. There will be many more challenges ahead for us mothers and I imagine if we start looking at ourselves as failures from the beginning we will not parent with as much tenacity as your child needs from you in every stage of their life! I have tremendous respect for all great mothers whether you breastfeed, formula feed, or both.